


2019

by Hey_its_depressed_Grace



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 03:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18202835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hey_its_depressed_Grace/pseuds/Hey_its_depressed_Grace
Summary: Dan isn't ready to come back to youtube yet but knows that Phil can't handle the stress of the phandom on his own.





	1. Anime and Anxiety

Thursday evenings are always sluggish. We mainly just sit and binge whatever anime we are addicted to at the time. With is head resting on my shoulder, gently breathing at the same rate as me, we stare at the flashing battle in front of us. This is always one of my favorite things to do, even though our backs are completely screwed from our sofa crease.

Later than I expected, he finally dozes off into a peaceful sleep. Not wanting to wake him, I cautiously place his head on the plush cushions and stand up. I went and got his new bed covers and draped them over him; he had finally got rid of the old green and blue checked ones. His 'rebranding' was hard for him- it wasn't as huge as mine, I literally changed everything, but to him, changing his background was a huge step.

He looks so calm. Sometimes his anxiety can get the better of him and he won't sleep at all. On those nights we watch anime until he falls asleep. It was one of those nights tonight.

Slipping into some PJ's, I return with a coffee and my laptop. Caffeine doesn't affect me as much as it used to but that's fine. I'd rather have to make quadruple shot coffees like I used to make than let him wake up with a panic attack and I'm not there. They've become more frequent recently as he has been carrying the entire phandom, our entire lives on his back for the last couple of months while it's nearly been a year since I've posted a video. God, I'm such a waste of space. He would disagree, saying that I help him in ways I can't think of, but I just can't see it. Sure, I can be funny, I run with him and get the shopping, but what else?

Forcing myself not to fall into an existential crisis (its been too long for one of them to happen) and instead fall into twitter (dark mode, of course). I aimlessly scroll through my feed before searching up my name and scrolling through hundreds of tweets of people asking me to come back. Messages of love and of understanding filled my head, all of them positive and wanting me to make videos. I really want to, but I'm not ready. Not just yet.

 

* * *

 

Waking up with a start I immediately look towards him. Thank god, he's still sleeping peacefully. The raven hair falling over his face blew up with every breath. He looks like he could sleep forever. A sudden beeping brought me back to my laptop that had been on all night and is on 3%. Shit. Rushing to get it plugged in I knock something off a table in the corridor. Nearly sprinting to get it plugged in I dive across my bed to get my charger. Don't judge me, it's a pet peeve of mine to let my laptop run out of charge.

Closing my laptop and walking back to the living room, I hear fast breathing, almost struggling. Oh no. He's having one. He woke up without me there... 


	2. Band-Aids can't fix everything

_shitshitshitshitshit what was that wheres Dan is he ok was that him is he dead was that a burglar what do I do._  All these things swam around my head in a constricting downwards spiral. _Thump-thump-thump_ my heart went; unable to slow my heart rate my breathing sped up but every breath was constricting, sharp, shallow. _Somethings wrong_ somethings wrong _somethings wrong_ circled my head. my nervous tapping started, _thump-thump-thump_ of my foot on the wooden floor, cold on my feet. I tried to stand up but I immediately fell back. my vision got darker and darker. it got narrower and narrower. I could barely see anything. _'this is how it feels to die'_ crossed my mind. I could've been in this state for seconds or hours; time was irrelevant.  
  
 _Thump-thump-thump_ I hear somewhere around me. A figure crouched down in front of me. I feel a hand press against my knee, "look at me," Dan says, "Listen to my voice. Breathe in time with me. You're okay, you're okay". He wipes away the tears I didn't know I shed and stays with me. Painstakingly slowly, it subsided- my tapping stopped, heart rate decreased and breaths became calmer.

  
"Sorry," I manage to say after the ordeal, "I thought someone broke in."  
  
"Don't apologize for that! You can't control it, remember?"   
  
"I know, but it makes me feel like a total failure when I break down like that."  
  
Coffee colored eyes met my ice blue, "You're not a failure and you never will be. you already stopped your break while its almost been a year since I uploaded on my main channel. There are things you can't control, but that's ok- control the things you can and then you'll be happy."  
  
"Thinking about things we can control, can we control a coffee machine? You know, to make coffee?" I reply.

  
"Isn't that bad for anxiety? Doesn't it make it worse?" Dan says with a concerned look on his face.

  
"Yeah but I like the taste..." I quietly say.

  
"Do you want me to make you a small latte then? Enough for the taste but not too much coffee?" Dan has always liked compromising. It's cute.  
\----------

Shuffling into the kitchen behind dan I pull my duvet tighter around me, realizing that dan must have got it for me last night. He's so nice to me and he doesn't even know. Hopping up onto the clean island Dan turned on the coffee machine and fussed around with the cups; they were strewn around the whole room from days of us being too lazy to clean dishes.  
  
While picking the numerous cups and glasses up- he was really holding too many- he turned around to me, giving me a reassuring smile. Then, in an instant, they were dropped all over the floor. Glass shattered. Porcelain cracked. Dan gasped.  
\--  
Rushing to get the plasters from the bathroom, I saw Dan collapse, back sliding down the cupboards. Rummaging through cabinets I could hear Dan groaning. Sprinting back, I finally understood what had happened. Most of the floor was covered in glass, china, or blood; Dans' blood. Throwing him the plasters I started to sweep it all into a pile so I could reach him.  
  
Kneeling down next to him, I started to mop up the blood.

  
"Shit. Fuck. Other swear words. Why does it hurt so much?"

  
"Because you cut your foot in multiple places on glass cups, Dan. Of course its gonna hurt."

Sighing, he nods, "I know, but I'm not going to be able to walk properly for a while," Unwrapping another plaster he continues, "I've used four already and I still need to use more. God, I'm an idiot."

"You're not, though. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. At least the cups weren't full."

  
He chuckled, "Yeah that would have been bad. I just wish plasters could fix other things than cuts."

  
Mopping up the last of the blood, I nod "that would be helpful. Think about all our problems that would be fixed. Do you want me to finish the coffee? you go sit down and ill make them."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally don't know what I'm doing. I'm sick (which is why I wrote this). Thank you for reading, I'm so happy so many people already have!

**Author's Note:**

> Soo idk what I'm doing. this is my first time writing something (ik its bad). I have no idea where I'm going with this so if you have any suggestions, send them my way!


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